Found This -- Sat-nav – A new poem by Pam Ayres

[Nodzed]

I have a little Sat-nav, it sits there in my car. A Sat-nav is a driver's friend it tells you where you are. I have a little Sat-nav, I've had it all my life. It's better than the normal ones, my Sat-nav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive "It's sixty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five".
It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake And tells me that it's never ever, safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear. And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver, has so helpful a device. For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught. So why don't I exchange it, and get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed. It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff, I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off.

 

[EnthuZiaZT]

I've got one of those, I also have an electronic one as well, The two of them now sit in the car and argue. O-well thats life, at least i'm still allowed to sit behind the steering wheel?

Mike

 

[Bozzy]

I have a little Sat-nav, it sits there in my car. A Sat-nav is a driver's friend it tells you where you are. I have a little Sat-nav, I've had it all my life. It's better than the normal ones, my Sat-nav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive "It's sixty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five".
It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake And tells me that it's never ever, safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear. And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver, has so helpful a device. For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught. So why don't I exchange it, and get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed. It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff, I only wish that now and then, I could turn the b***** off.

Imao I love it .

Steve

 

[hard top]

I had one of them but it turned me off....

 

[Shelly]

Who needs a sat nav
I don't go that far unless Alan is driving

 

[Low Rider]

Very funny

 

[Mrs Mint]

That's so funny @NODZED we went to see Pam Ayres a couple of years ago and even though you know quite a few of her poems she so funny
If anyone gets the chance go and see her, it's a great night out

 

[bessieblue]

Ive got a satnag , it sit next to me in the car

 

[Jack Ratt]

I was chuckling for days after reading this one

It had to come one day, and it is by Pam Ayres.
So, enjoy and have a laugh if you can relate to this little poem:

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)..................By Pam Ayres

The missus bought a Paperback,
Down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominater !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
And stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.

 

[t-tony]

That lass has a wicked sense of humour. I showed Shirl and Abz the earlier one today, will have to show Shirl this one in the morning. Cheers for 2 good laughs today Garry.

Tony.

 

[Nodzed]

@Jack Ratt Well Funny