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PARAPROSDOKIANS

Discussion in 'General Banter' started by Frank.A, Feb 20, 2012.

  1. Frank.A

    Frank.A Zorg Addict

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    PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech, in
    which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected;
    frequently humorous.



    1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

    2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but, it's still on my list.

    3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until
    you hear them speak.

    4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

    5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

    6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

    7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a
    fruit salad.

    8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you
    why it isn't.

    9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
    research.

    10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is
    a work station.

    11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

    12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency,
    notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

    13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

    14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
    with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

    15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
    successful man is usually another woman.

    16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

    17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
    skydive twice.

    18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

    19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they
    can't get away.

    20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

    21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

    22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit
    the target.

    23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

    24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

    25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a
    garage makes you a car.

    26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.
     
  2. r37

    r37 Dedicated Member

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    will definately be using #4 and #13 in future arguments :)
     
  3. GazHyde

    GazHyde The Gaz Monkey
    Staff Member Administrator Global Moderator British Zeds

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    I saw the thread title and though it was spam and was just about to wield the banhammer... :ymblushing:

    21. You're never too old to learn something stupid. :-bd
     
  4. NeRo

    NeRo Moderator
    Staff Member Global Moderator British Zeds Scottish Zeds

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    I love things like this :)

    My personal favourite - 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong., a great put down to a know-it-all :))
     
  5. stevie_a

    stevie_a Zorg Guru (IV)
    Scottish Zeds

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    When I was 17 and purchased my first car

    My sister gave me a key ring for my car key, and on it said

    Money Talks - Shame mine always says goodbye

    So true... :ymsmug:
     

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