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CAUTION Have a chuckle - Lifes too short!!!

Discussion in 'General Banter' started by stevie_a, Jan 21, 2012.

  1. Medskipper

    Medskipper Dedicated Member
    British Zeds

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    This guy is sitting on a train with a very pretty girl sitting opposite him.
    Every few minutes he notices the girl sneeze and then say oh my god, oh my god! This goes on for about half an hour so he leans forward and says to the girl I notice you have this dreadful sneezing problem you poor thing! She yes I sneeze all the time and it make me climax! Oh dear the guy says, are you taking anything for it?

    she says, oh yes, pepper!
     
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  2. gookah

    gookah Zorg Guru (IV)
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    thank god when I open this thread now it has gone past page 160's image..:wideyed:
     
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  3. andyglym

    andyglym Shiny Dust Caps Make Your Zed Go Faster.
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    IMG-20191109-WA0011.jpg
     
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  4. Ianmc

    Ianmc Zorg Guru (III)
    British Zeds The M44 Massive

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    What's the third then Andy?
     
  5. andyglym

    andyglym Shiny Dust Caps Make Your Zed Go Faster.
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    A Rich Tea Biscuit :whistle:
     
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  6. andyglym

    andyglym Shiny Dust Caps Make Your Zed Go Faster.
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    Take a look in the red circle, irony at its best.
     
  7. Ianmc

    Ianmc Zorg Guru (III)
    British Zeds The M44 Massive

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    Ah, irony. That got me!!:)
     
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  8. stevie_a

    stevie_a Zorg Guru (IV)
    Scottish Zeds

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    You will find it was me who started this thread LOL
    :p
     
  9. stevie_a

    stevie_a Zorg Guru (IV)
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    Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:
    'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain. Your Flight will non-stop from London Heathrow to Shannon, Ireland . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and..... OH,FECK OH MY FECK !!!!!!!!!'
    ...Silence followed!
    ...
    Some moments later the captain came back on the in
    tercom.
    'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you . While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
    One Irish passenger yelled...
    'For feck's sake ........ you should see the back of mine!!!
     
  10. Oddly Godly

    Oddly Godly Zorg Addict
    British Zeds

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    I bought one of those internet enabled smart fridges and now it's completely full of spam.
     
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  11. Medskipper

    Medskipper Dedicated Member
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    As a trucker stops for a red light on the A12 (ESSEX) a blonde catches up.

    She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

    The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

    The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.


    When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car runs up and knocks on the door.

    Again, the trucker lowers the window.

    As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

    Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

    All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

    When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says,............

    "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter and I'm Gritting the roads!”


























    I am using the Free version of SPAMfighter.
    SPAMfighter has removed 1206 of my spam emails to date.

    Do you have a slow PC? Try a free scan!
     
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  12. andyglym

    andyglym Shiny Dust Caps Make Your Zed Go Faster.
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    A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.

    As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.

    Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything

    Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts.

    He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do?

    Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything...

    He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

    He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees.

    As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp.

    By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because Lions eat anything.

    Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?"

    The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees
     
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  13. Nodzed

    Nodzed Zorg Guru (V)
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    FB_IMG_1573735434294.jpg
     
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  14. Nodzed

    Nodzed Zorg Guru (V)
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    FB_IMG_1573140139392.jpg
     
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  15. Synclare

    Synclare Zorg Guru (III)
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    Cracked me up that one Niall !
     
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  16. Oddly Godly

    Oddly Godly Zorg Addict
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    flood 1.jpg
     
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  17. Ianmc

    Ianmc Zorg Guru (III)
    British Zeds The M44 Massive

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    That is much of the problem, building on flood plains then seeming surprised when buildings flood. :(
     
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  18. FRANKIE

    FRANKIE Zorg Guru (V)
    American Zeds The M44 Massive

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  19. Medskipper

    Medskipper Dedicated Member
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    A pilot lands after a very long haul flight and the co pilot turns to the pilot and says I’m glad that flight is over what are you going to do tonight? The pilot says well first of all I’m going to have a long hot shower and a good meal and then I’m going to s*** that gorgeous young flight attendant that came with us!

    Unbeknown to him he had left the intercom on and the whole plane heard what the pilot had said!

    The pretty young flight attendant was absolutely furious and she charged down the centre of the plane towards the cockpit to give the pilot a piece of her mind! But she trips over a passengers foot and crumples to the floor, the passenger jumps up and helps her to her feet, dusts her off and says, it’s ok love no need to hurry didn’t you here the pilot? He’s going to have a good meal and a shower first!
     
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  20. FRANKIE

    FRANKIE Zorg Guru (V)
    American Zeds The M44 Massive

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    SNOWMAN:
    upload_2019-11-17_22-11-2.png
     
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