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British sense of humour

Discussion in 'General Banter' started by Frank.A, Feb 21, 2012.

  1. Frank.A

    Frank.A Zorg Addict

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2011
    Messages:
    120
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    49
    Location:
    Twixt Hull and York
    Model of Z:
    2.8 Facelift
    These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:



    FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
    8 years old,
    Hateful little b*****d.
    Bites!


    FREE PUPPIES
    1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.


    FREE PUPPIES.
    Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
    Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

    COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
    Also 1 gay bull for sale.

    JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
    Must sell washer and dryer £100.

    WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
    Worn once by mistake.
    Call Stephanie.

    **** And the WINNER is... ****

    FOR SALE BY OWNER.
    Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
    Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife
    knows everything.





    Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women
    are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache
    and sex at the same time?"

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Children Are Quick
    ____________________________________

    TEACHER: Why are you late?
    STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
    ____________________________________
    TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
    JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
    __________________________________________
    TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
    GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
    TEACHER: No, that's wrong
    GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
    ___________________________________________
    TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
    DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
    TEACHER: What are you talking about?
    DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
    __________________________________
    TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have
    ten years ago.
    WINNIE: Me!
    __________________________________________
    TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
    GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
    _______________________________________
    TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
    MILLIE: I is..
    TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
    MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
    ________________________________
    TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree,
    but also admitted it.
    Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
    LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
    ______________________________________
    TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
    SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
    ______________________________
    TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your
    brother's..
    Did you copy his?
    CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
    ___________________________________
    TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
    are no longer interested?
    HAROLD: A teacher
    __________________________________
     
  2. si-forks

    si-forks Dedicated Member

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2011
    Messages:
    451
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    34
    Location:
    worcester
    Model of Z:
    1.9
    Thanks for brightening up a dull day at work

    Si-forks on tapatalk
     

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