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Anecdotes

Discussion in 'General Banter' started by hard top, May 13, 2014.

  1. hard top

    hard top Zorg Expert (I)
    Dutch Zeds The M44 Massive

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    I was at my mates wine beer and spirits emporium this afternoon.
    He had a bit of a slow day so we sat down for a chat and a cold one, as you do.
    A well dressed chap came in, walked around for a bit and then left without buying anything.
    Then came the anecdote.
    My mate said "Oh, he has seen Flappy (his partner in the business who has big ears)
    This well dressed chap (one short of a six pack it seems) had been coming into the shop on and off for the last year and always walked up to Flappy and asked for a good bottle of wine.
    Flappy:- This one is excellent Sir.
    Chap:- Are you sure?
    Flappy:- Yes.
    Chap:- OK, I will take it. Can you wrap it up? Have you got a bag? Have you got a receipt?
    Scroll on to closing time, in comes the chap who walks up to Flappy and states that this is not the wine he wants and can he have his money back.
    This happened at least ten times that year until Flappy recognized him. (Doh!)
    In comes chap.
    Chap:- I am looking for a good bottle of wine.
    Flappy:- This one is excellent Sir.
    Chap:- Are you sure?
    Flappy:- Yes.
    Chap:- OK, I will take it. Can you wrap it up? Have you got a bag? Have you got a receipt?
    Flappy:- Receipt is in the bag.
    Scroll on to closing time, in comes the chap who walks up to Flappy and states that this is not the wine he wants and can he have his money back.
    Flappy:- Have you got the receipt?
    Chap:- (Looking in bag) No.
    Flappy;- Bet that's phucked your day up........

    Any more out there that are true story's, lets have em.
     
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  2. Aceman

    Aceman Moderator
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    Funny story Mike but can't help wondering what the guy was trying to achieve, was he returning empty bottles otherwise how could he expect a refund. :confused:
     
  3. hard top

    hard top Zorg Expert (I)
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    Not empty, still wrapped up and in the same bag.
     
  4. Aceman

    Aceman Moderator
    British Zeds 3rd Party Trader

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    You know what they say "nowt as queer as folk". o_O
     
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  5. hard top

    hard top Zorg Expert (I)
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    Boss: Does your old car have air bags?
    Me: Yes.
    Boss: They did not go off.
     
  6. Aceman

    Aceman Moderator
    British Zeds 3rd Party Trader

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    Followed 3 seconds later by you snapping your neck around with that glariing look saying WTF.
     
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  7. Cooper

    Cooper Zorg Guru (IV)
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    He took it back home and showed the wife. Obviously this guy can do nothing right in her eyes. :meh: haha
     
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  8. TaffZee

    TaffZee Zorg Guru (V)
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    Perhaps he had a sex craved partner if you know what I mean, cause you can use wine bottles for other things than holding wine, or so I am told... How many bottles of wine do you buy from that Emporium Mike?
     
  9. hard top

    hard top Zorg Expert (I)
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    Not many actually Jim, mostly just crates of beer.
     
  10. oldcarman

    oldcarman Zorg Guru (V)
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    It'
    It's been a long winter, please send pics of OTHER USES!
     
  11. badman gee

    badman gee Guest

    Champagne enema is great.

    Gives a cracking clear out !
     
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  12. hard top

    hard top Zorg Expert (I)
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    bucks fizz (making your mind up) Bad Boy....?....
     
  13. t-tony

    t-tony Zorg Expert (I)
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    Watch for pics " The Camera Never Lies":)
     
  14. EnthuZiaZT

    EnthuZiaZT Zorg Guru (V)
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    Seen on the forecourt of a local garage many years ago, an Austin Maxi, painted in floral patterns, /flower-power.
    Sign on the car said 'Hand Painted By Local Artist.' in my eyes who ever painted it must have used an 8" brush and emulsion.
    It was very cheap.

    Mike
     
  15. t-tony

    t-tony Zorg Expert (I)
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    Once saw a mini clubman which had been covered with that self adhesive vynil wallpaper which came out in the early seventies. It was in a floral pattern and looked truly awful, even to a spotty teenaged school kid.:(
     
  16. TaffZee

    TaffZee Zorg Guru (V)
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  17. hard top

    hard top Zorg Expert (I)
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    Bad Boy reminded me of this with his Champagne nonsense.
    Same emporium, different time.
    In between Christmas and New Year
    Piper-Heidsieck.
    I will have to explain this one slightly. Piper in Dutch is slang for 'oral gratification' of the male.
    Lady: Hello, I would like to buy a bottle of Champagne.
    Flappy: Yes madam, this one is very good.
    Lady: Oh, that's a bit expensive. Its only for New Years Eve with my friends, have you got something cheaper?
    Flappy (rolling his eyes) decides to go the sparkling wine route.
    Flappy: How about this one madam?
    Lady: (With bottle in hand) Piper? Is that nice?
    Flappy: Oh yes, Piper is very nice.
    Lady: Because I don't want to disappoint my friends.
    Flappy: You will certainly not disappoint the friends who like it.
    Lady; OK, I will try it but what's it like?
    Flappy: It tickles the tongue if you run it all around your mouth and then slides gently down your throat.
    At this point I had to leg it to the office, I was wetting myself.
     
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